In midlife, at a crossroads, a realization came to me. Perhaps this was all that was meant for me as an actor? No real breakout role in the cards for Pat Stew? For whatever reason, I decided that maybe I could turn myself into a British squash champion. I had always enjoyed the game but never pursued it seriously. This time, I went for it, training vigorously, playing every day. But maybe what I was really doing, repeatedly hammering a rubber ball against wall, was getting out my frustration about where I was at as an actor. P307
I swore to myself that I would commit to this show with everything I had, no matter how pessimistic my colleagues and seemingly most of the industry were about its prospects. I was not going to treat Star Trek: The Next Generation cynically, as a paid holiday for a slumming British actor. It would become my obsession, and I would devote myself to it to the exclusion of everything else. I took this vow more seriously than was healthy for me, I realize now, but I was in my mid-forties, not a kid anymore, and I was running out of big chances. I am now almost twice as old as I was then, but sometimes I still feel the same way. P 315
The rest of us were chancers and hustlers from a variety of backgrounds, still angling for our big break. P319
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